I Don't Want To Want You
by XxChibiEmoVampirexX
Summary: I don't want to want you, but I hate to say I do. I can't help the way feel for you. I don't need to need you, what am I suppose to do? I can't help the way I feel for you. Thor/Loki if you look between the lines. Review!


**Disclaimer: I don't own Thor, or any of the characters in this fanfic or do I own Lesley Roy's song, I don't want to want you. Don't sue me! D:**

**Now, please enjoy!**

_I can't breathe. I can't sleep without you; I'm lost in this hell alone. So, I pray that I'll find the light._

When we were young, you were always there for me. When I would wake from the nightmares that plagued my mind, you were always by my side; cradling me, whispering to me in fear that we would wake mother and father. I was in peace when I was with you; I slept soundly while you stayed awake for me.

But now, I sleep alone. I haven't gone into your room since we went our separate ways, when you found the warriors three and when you started to fall for Lady Sif. It's hard to breathe; you know when I see you with her. I often have nightmares with you and her occupying them now, so I don't sleep. I can't sleep without you holding me, and whispering in my ear. It hurts.

So, as I stay in the shadows, watching you as I wander endlessly lost in this hell all on my own. As your ever knowing presences acts as a pray, that maybe I'll find the light.

_Can I change? Will I be alright? If I could only clear my mind, leave all this madness all behind._

I awake from my sleep to hear some celebration going on outside my chambers. As I rise, I hear your voice and my heart flutters in my chest. I place a hand on it to steady it as I looked out my window.

Your smile everlasting on your features as you look around the warriors three but I failed to see Lady Sif. Your eyes meet mine, and you smile wider, "Brother! Wonderful news!" I wait, as I look into the depths of those eyes, "I am to be married to Lady Sif come the next full moon!" My heart stops, and I tremble as the words rack my entire frame.

I crack a rare smile for you, always for you, "That's wonderful, brother." A bitter after taste latches onto my tongue as those words leave my mouth. You grin, and turn to your friends, casting me away as you show you no longer have any use for my attention.

I turn, and start to dress myself in my normal attire. I look at myself in the mirror, and feel bile rise to my mouth; it sickens me to see myself so calm after something so life changing has happened to me. But why, why does it sicken me, brother? Can I let you go like a memory? How long will I be sane without you?

My eyes avert from the reflection, and towards my books. Maybe a spell could clear my mind, and make me forget about all this madness. This madness of wanting you by my side.

_I don't want to want you, but I hate to say I do. I can't help the way feel for you. I don't need to need you, what am I suppose to do? I can't help the way I feel for you. _

I'm there as mother gushes over the news, and father congratulates you. I hate how my stomach twists, and I hate that I wish it was me you were marrying. It's a silly thing, but I can't seem to help myself. I hate that I want you.

That night, you accompany me while I work on my spells in the courtyard. I looked down at my hands as I concentrated, concentrated on anything but how your eyes seem to follow me as I twirl and look as though I'm dancing with a ghost as I cast my magic against a defenseless tree.

"So, how do you feel about my marriage, brother?" Your voice cuts through my concentration, and unlike all the other times, it is un-wanted. "What, brother?" "My marriage to Lady Sif, how do you feel about it?" I sigh, my eyes never leaving the tree I have stricken with my anger many a times.

"I feel happy for you, Thor. How else should a brother feel about his elder sibling marrying someone so worthy?" That taste returns, and I wanna scream, unleash god knows what on that accursed tree or maybe, Sif. "Hm, well I was simply wondering, brother. I mean, I won't be around and we won't be allowed to see much of each other once I marry her." My thoughts match the taste in my mouth, 'As if we see each other, you act as though we're sown to the hip, dear brother…'

"You have your duties, and I have mine. We will see each other, brother." I cast another spell at the tree, it's starting to dent. Your smile is evident in your words, "I know, but sometimes it feels as though you need me, dear brother."

I felt something inside me snap, and growled as I casted a deadly spell at tree causing it to burn to the ground. I turned, and glared daggers at you, "I don't need you! I can take care of myself, oh brother dear!" I snarled, and went around you to storm off to my chambers. As I slammed the door, I leaned against it and felt tears build up in my eyes.

I covered my eyes, and a whimper escaped my lips. "What am I suppose to do?" I heard myself speak to the emptiness of my chambers. I took the hand away from my eyes, and stared up at the ceiling as my voice spoke softly, "I hate you…I hate how you make me want you, and dare I say need you." I whimpered, and looked down as tears escaped my eyes, sliding down my cheeks, "I…I can't help the way I feel for you…"

_We were good; we were doing alright in those days. There were beautiful nights, but the scars in your heart blinded you from the start, not a thing I could do._

I watched you walk away from me, I saw the tears in your eyes and it scared me. I stayed where I was as I watched your retreating form into our father's castle. I casted my eyes to the tree, and I saw us in the flames. I saw your smiling face as I worried over your scraped knee, you were so beautiful. You still are, dear brother. Our bond was strong in those days, wasn't it? Those nights we spent whispering secrets to each other, holding each other from the cold and from the nightmares that disturbed our slumber.

Those were the nights I wish I could relive, but the wall you built around your heart prevented this. You were scarred cause of me; there wasn't anything I could do. I went over to the flame, and touched it. It did not burn, but I felt the heat of what was long ago. I touched you heart that night, brother.

_If I could have helped you save your mind; leave all your darkness behind._

I walked to your chambers, and opened the great slivery doors to see you. You were illuminated by a single candle, but you have never looked as beautiful as did at that moment. I went to your side, and touched your forehead.

You were cold, but I guess that was normal for you. I smiled at you that night, and kissed your forehead much like when I stayed up for you. Your pale body flushes against my own as I held you; your breathing was quiet and soft against my pre-mature torso. We were so young to understand what we felt that night, as I stroked your back and as you cuddled close to my warmth.

I looked down at you, and kissed your forehead as you started to tremble from a nightmare I'm sure. You were such a troubled child, always trying to impress someone other than yourself. The memory was so vivid that I thought I was reliving it, I wasn't. I turned, and left you that night with no departing kiss on the forehead or lingering touch.

But to this day, I wish I had stayed. I wish I had saved you from your mind, from all the darkness that plagued you that night and from then on.

_Just can't let go. We can't lose and we can't win this game we're playing in. Look at us now, the shape we're in. It's over, over. I guess it's over, it's over._

The day of your marriage came, and I stood in the shadows as I watched you get ready. You were so handsome in your armor, and the way your eyes sparkled as you looked at yourself in the mirror. As you turned to leave, I reached out to you but I was too late. You were out the door, walking to your bride…to your future. But I couldn't seem to let go.

I followed you, and watched you smile at Sif. She was gorgeous in her white gown, and veil. Wasn't it bad luck to see the bride before the wedding? But you never did care for faith, and superstition now did you? As the ceremony started, I watched from afar and winced as you sealed your faith with her.

This game we played was over. Neither of us won or lost. Before it ended, I walked away. I just couldn't bear it anymore, the truth was killing me. The truth of knowing you'll never be mine, or have me like I want to have you.

_I don't want to want you. I don't need to need you, but what am I supposed to do? I can't help the way I feel for you. Just can't let go, just can't let go._

I watched from my balcony to you, it's been years since the wedding and I haven't seen or spoken to you. I still don't want to want you, or do I need to need you. But that doesn't stop me from wishing you would come to my chambers at night, or wish I can go to your chambers when I find myself jerking out of a nightmare.

I can't help the way I feel for you, and I just can't seem to let go. But I will always be watching you from the shadows, always waiting at the light of my only candle for you. And always will love you, and only you, my dear sweet Thor.

**Wow…that was on there. Haha! Yeah, bitches! I totally did a song fic on these two! Now, let me explain a few things…**

**1.] At the lyrics of 'We were good…' that was Thor's point of view of the situation. So, yeah~ sorry to have switched it on you guys, but I seemed to think of Thor when I heard this part of the song.**

**2.] The part with the tree, and flame, I always had a thing with peeps looking at something and see memories. And Loki was angry, and didn't know what kind of spell he casted so he could've dished out a memory spell in the form of a fire spell.**

**3.] This was based on Norse Mythology, clearly since Thor married Sif and not Jane. But they were personified as the movie versions, because well, Tom Hiddleston and Chris Hemmsworth are hot Norse gods!**

**4.] Also, the Thor movie doesn't exist in this fic! Thor doesn't meet Jane, or gets banished or does Loki become his ultimate super villain. There are no Avengers! So, yeah again..sorry if you guys got a bit confused o3o**

**Well, I'm done. :3 Hope you enjoyed it! Remember to review, and this is my second fic so please go easy on me, or give me some constructive criticism :3 **

**Till next time, loves :33**


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